5 things make a post

[capri0mni]

One: I've (figuratively) fallen down with storywrights (with "Resolution to write," at least). First, I failed to keep up posts on schedule when I didn't any replies/participation. And second, I (re)discovered that I just don't have the brain power / stamina to generate original narratives while also trying to balance and hold myself upright in my chair (and my wheelchair back has been broken for over two years -- it's stuck in a semi-reclined position, and the company no longer makes this model of chair, so I can't get it replaced). For a while I was beating myself up for being lazy / not even trying to extend my attention span. Then, I remembered that back when I was a teenager, I couldn't walk on my crutches and maintain a conversation at the same time, either. I think my muscle coordination activity and "generate spontaneous language" activity are trying to drive on the same roads, so to speak. And this is yet another reminder that cerebral palsy is also a form of neurodiversity.

If I work out a way to give myself upright back support, it just feels like the bottled-up stories would come flooding out of me...

2: But I think I'm on to something with my idea of "Plot modules," though:

Situation → Disruption → Reaction → Consequence → | (New Situation)

I only managed to write out five of them for the whole of the six weeks I'd planned for "Resolution to Write," but using this outline form helped me realize that, in the past, when I've had problems with a story faltering, and getting (metaphorically) stuck in the mud, it was because I'd been writing a character's reactions without being clear (even to myself) about what disruption they were reacting to. Which, in turn, made the consequence muddy, which made it hard to shift to a new situation.

III: I think one reason I'm "meh," or "uncommitted" to my gender (even though I'm cis) is because, in this culture, your gender expression is judged as a success or failure based on how sexually and/or romantically attractive you can make yourself to the persons of your choice. And I Do Not Want to be either sexually or romantically attractive to other people. [/aroace things; annual Valentine's Day rant]

The Next to Last: "Grain Free," "Paleo-Friendly" Granola is not actually granola. It does make a good trail mix, however.

Fifth: (this came to me while writing all of the above): I think why I have no trouble writing Dreamwidth and Tumblr posts and replies while trying to hold myself upright and type, but my brain nopes out while I'm trying to write fiction w/o back support is the same reason I couldn't hold a spontaneous conversation and walk on crutches at the same time:

Having a spontaneous conversation with another person takes at least an order of magnitude more mental energy than monologuing (or talking to yourself). This is a written monologue (so is a poem, or an essay). Writing a fictional story is closer to having a spontaneous conversation with your characters (and the world they're in).

...Anyway. Just a thought...

Comments

[jesse_the_k]

Hmmm, that last item is intriguing!

The only writing that I consistently feel energized for is tech writing, where I'm being the time traveling wise whisperer in my own ear.

Arrrrrrrrrrgh re your wheelchair back.

[capri0mni]

The situation with my wheelchair back (and how the for-profit healthcare system screws over the disabled in general) is why I put a pirate symbol in my default icon.

Being a time traveler tech adviser might just fall in the cracks between monologue and conversation...

now that I think of it

[jesse_the_k]

...talking to myself has become an important tool for getting through my days. Making new memories requires conscious effort, and that usually means verbal scaffolds:

Before I go through a doorway, "I'm looking for the [__]" so I won't forget.

When donning compression hose, "You can do it, yes you can, a little more tension on the back, now twist the heel ..."

While contemplating leaving, "Where am I going? What will I need there?"

Perhaps similar to working with an aide?

Re: now that I think of it

[capri0mni]

As for the doorway thing: When I learned that we forget what we came into a room for was because our memories & thoughts are context-dependent, and going through a door into another room changes the context, I decided to create an imaginary character sitting above the door frame, ready to snatch that thought from our memory as we pass through (for me, personifying things makes them "Stick" better). So before I go through the door, I remind myself: "Don't let the thief get this thought."

Perhaps. But I haven't needed a cognitive aide, yet. So I couldn't say.

[vilakins]

Brains are odd things. I find it hard to form words if there's talking or song lyrics in the background.

It took me so long to realise I was aroace*; I just lumped my lack of interest in sex, romance, breeding, or anything at all girly in with all the other personal weirdness. I'm lucky that I met someone else as oddand geeky, and also on the ace spectrum.

* It was watching Heartstopper last year; the scene where Isaac talks to an ace artist. Everything he said was me.

Oh dear. I've drifted away from Dreamwidth again, haven't I?

[capri0mni]

I first figured out I belonged under the ace umbrella back in 2016 (when I was 52), when ysabetwordsmith described one of her characters as "demisexual." Not knowing what that was, I went down an Internet Search rabbit hole, and the gears started clicking into place, one-by-one.

And just last week-ish, I learned that April 6th is International Asexuality Day. So I spent most of yesterday writing a thread of posts about being at the intersection of disabled and asexual.

College / University level courses on Queer Studies didn't really start until I was almost done with grad school. If there'd been a Queer Studies class in the college catalogs when I was leaving high school, I definitely would have signed up, as a "curious, straight, ally" (intersection of history, arts & culture, and public policy? Yes, please!), and probably would have realized I wasn't straight, after all.