capri0mni: A black Skull & Crossbones with the Online Disability Pride Flag as a background (Default)
[personal profile] capri0mni
Was in a music/folkmusic forum chat room, talking with some online friends there, about a song I'd recently polished up and written. In an earlier discussion with these same people, I'd mentioned that I can't really hear rhythm easily, that I have trouble hearing when the rhythm of the words and music match up, when I'm trying to write. And they were saying that this new song matched up perfectly, and I was saying, yes, but I had help.... yada, yada...

One of them said that I then should listen to blues or led zeplin for ideas. I said it's not ideas I have a problem with, but a quirk in the brain that I can feel (feels a bit like a rhythm version of dyslexia -- folks with dyslexia can speak and hear language just fine, but when they read or write it, letters switch around... I can hear rhythm just fine and can sing in rhythm, but when I try to match a specific note to a beat, or clap along, I can feel it flip-flopping in my brain).

I then made the mistake of mentioning that I think it has something to do with my cerebral palsy, and what started out as a discussion of different musical ways of thinking turned into the two of them suggesting treatments for me, and how isn't it wonderful that I'm getting better than I was when I was younger (which I'm not... I'm just older)...

Grrrr.... I don't want to walk.... I don't need to be "cured" or "treated" or anything. This is the body I was born with.

I have blue eyes.
I have brown hair.
My toes curl when I brush my hair.
And I lose track of rhythm when I try to clap.

This body has carried me through nearly 39 years of life, and I wouldn't be the person I am without it. And I like the person I am.

Why do so many people try to "comfort" me by suggesting that I may be more like them, someday?

[*] song can be found, here (I hope):
http://www.mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=53293&messages=13

Yeah, well.....

Date: 2002-11-07 05:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] capriuni.livejournal.com
What makes it really frustrating is that they weren't really trying to be mean or anything. I think the one who suggested I listen to music to get ideas about rhythm misinterpreted what I meant when I said it was a brain quirk... I think maybe he thought I was saying I was dumb, or something...

Oh well... It ended up with the conclusion that the only "treatment" I needed was a cute butler to help me out ;-). Now, I could live with that... or rather, him

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