Letter to Santa (nicked from kalibex)

[capri0mni]

Dear Santa... Dear Santa, This year I've been busy! In May kiri_l and I robbed a bank (-50 points). Last Sunday I gave rowenaashe a Dutch Oven (-10 points). In March I helped elementalmuse across the street (6 points). Last week I put money in warinbabylon's expired parking meter (14 points). Last month I gave drbombay a kidney (1000 points). Overall, I've been nice (960 points). For Christmas I deserve a shiny red ball! Sincerely, capriuni

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Okay, (whoever wrote this meme) and I have different definitions of "Dutch Oven," I think. Isn't a Dutch oven a heavy iron cooking pot used for slow roasting meat on a stovetop? Why would giving that to someone be a naughty thing?

Or is this slang for something really mean?

[ETA: Okay, just had this thought: Since I didn't even know what a "dutch oven" was, does that mean that I'm entitled to a niceness upgrade? Although a shiny red ball would be very nice, especially since my kitties and I could play with it together]

Comments

[breenwood.livejournal.com]

Ahem.

A "dutch oven", in slang terms, is when someone passes wind while in bed, and then throws the covers over their partner's heads.

So yes.

Naughty.

[capriuni.livejournal.com]

Ah, yes... now I see.

Except I don't, really.

Passing wind while in bed will happen from time to time -- it's just the natural digestive process. But what advantage could there be to throwing the covers over your partner's head, except pure spite?

Now, I can accept that there are occassional purely spiteful people in this world. But that there should be so many who perform this particular brand of spite -- and often enough -- for this practice to get its own recognized slang term ... now that's what I find completely baffling.

Now, robbing a bank -- there's something where I can at least understand the temptation...

[lizziebelle.livejournal.com]

I've done this twice, and both times I got a lump of coal. Which, as someone pointed out, I could sell for a profit since heating oil is so durned expensive! ;)

[capriuni.livejournal.com]

Heh! Too true!

On a slightly more serious note: I've often thought of the lump of coal as symbolic, in the same way that chocoate gold coins symbolic of wealth. Sort of like giving a private in the army a potato as a sign that he's headed for kitchen patrol duty -- I.E., while the other kids are out playing with their new toys, you'll be in the boiler room. shoveling coal, to help keep the grown-ups warm. Sort of like community service, to make up for crimes.

In generations past, in some parts of Germany and Denmark, the tradition was that Santa took the really naughty kids back with him to the North Pole (or Spain, or some other far away place, depending on the tradition), until the following Christmas Eve. I have my own private theory that that is where Santa's Elves come from:

You spent your time bullying other kids, and breaking their toys? Okay then, for the next year, you will make toys for those same kids, and think about what they want, for a change.

Well, at least, it's a fun justice fantasy....

Hmmm.... maybe that'll be my plot for next year's NaNoWriMo -- a sort of darker version of The Polar Express.

[lizziebelle.livejournal.com]

Why wait until next year? Sounds like you have a story in the making now! :)

[capriuni.livejournal.com]

Because, if I start writing it now, my inner critic will be nagging me that I ought to be doing other things, and then, he'll want to keep sticking his nose in, and telling me what needs to be fixed, or thrown out, and once he gets going, I can't write anything.

It's kind of like a magic ritual -- like, for example, banishings work better during a waning moon. Besides, I've got a few ideas for next year's nanowrimo, and I'm deliberately keeping them locked in a corner of my brain until October, so I won't become too attached to any one of them.