What's got me wanting to cry myself to sleep, these days.

[capri0mni]

1. Dad's undergoing treatment for lung cancer right now, and the chances he'll survive longer than 5 years is about 15%.


2. Dad's the only family I've got, except for a band of cousins I barely know, in Philadelphia. So, after he dies, I will basically be trapped down here, in this Military-Industrial-Fundy-Baptist culture.


3. So I need to get out of here before he dies. But we don't have the resources, anymore, to build a house that is barrier-free for me; here, I am at least physically independent -- I can get in and out of bed by myself, and cook for myself. But if I have to live in a "standard" wheelchair-accessible apartment, and not have the freedom to lower the toilets, lower the counters, and put up grab bars everywhere I need them, then I'd need daily assistence with everything. That means moving into a nursing home of some sort.


4. The average residency for all nursing homes is two years -- because they die there. The fact that I may have 20 or so years ahead of me in such a place is just mind-numbing.


5. But the saddest, scariest, thought is that I'd have to give up my kitties. They're the only real family I know, besides Dad. And I'm the only real family they know. The fact that I could be losing Dad and my kitties at the same time is just more than I can bear; I honestly think that, if that happened, I would die in two years, just from the broken heart.

So, right now, it's a choice between human family and cat family.

And what strikes me as TOTALLY UNJUST is that I have to make the choice at all. It's true that cats cannot speak to me as humans do, or understand most of what I say to them, or sit at the table and eat with a knife and fork. And because of all of that, I am expected and told, by our society, that I must love them less than humans, otherwise I must somehow be insane. But if they were profoundly disabled human children who could not speak or eat at the table or understand my speach, I'd be considered a monster if I gave them up because it was inconvenient. And I HATE that...

So, if you are a praying sort, or a magic-working sort, or the sort with connections with social survices or assisted living type places, would you please work a little vibe my way to get a place where my cats and I could live together in a community that is actually good for our souls? I'm trying to work that vibe for myself, but my fear and lonliness is just too great, right now...

Comments

[snowgrouse.livejournal.com]

Argh! That is just so completely wrong. What are the precise factors that'd prevent you from living where you do now?

I'll remember you in my prayers.

[capriuni.livejournal.com]

1. Lack of any sort of the public transportation that I was promised when I moved here


2. Estrangement from my neighbors; this is as much my own fault as anything, but the general assumption that "At least we worship the same God," as a valid condition of friendship between us, scares me.


3. Being stuck in a political district where my party has gone for years without even bothering to put up a candidate, so in local elections I have to choose between someone I disagree with and someone I find repugnant.


4. Only periodic visits from Dad, and the transportation he has provided to the Art Garden, 450 miles away, has kept me sane at all, these last 10 years... after he's gone, the prospects of what my life would really be like are absolutely terrifying.

Thanks for the prayers. Even just knowing I'm not alone with my pillow helps...

[alryssa.livejournal.com]

:-(

I just wish there was more I could offer besides a hope.

[capriuni.livejournal.com]

Sometimes, a hope is enough... I hope this is one of those times...

[lizziebelle.livejournal.com]

There *must* be assisted living places that allow pets. Do you have a geographic area in mind? It might help narrow down the search a bit.

I'll keep an ear out for such places, meanwhile. We get the occasional ad for them here.

Hugs!

[capriuni.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know there must be probably are places like that; it's just contemplating the idea that I may not be able to find or afford them, and, like I said, the fact that many expect me to even make the choice, that has me down (especially late at night, when I'm tired, and my kitties come 'round for their cuddle time).

I'm actually thinking of moving closer to Philadelphia, to at least be closer, physically, with the rest of the family, and where there is a greater variety of Friends meeting houses to choose from (where there is more to the culture than the slavery of the past, and Pat Robertson and the military in the present).

Hope

[kalibex.livejournal.com]

You may have to be prepared to re-locate, but I'd be very surprised if between the lot of us, we can't figure something out...

Re: Hope

[capriuni.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it was the idea of the lot of you that prompted me to make this post (and also, so that this page would be more than just where I go to distract myself).

I actually want to relocate. There's one cousin I'm close to from that band, and even her husband (whom I've only met a few times, and who is relatively conservative) says: "What's Ann doing down there?"

It seemsd like a good idea, ten years ago, based on terrain and climate, and population numbers, but ... over those years, I've become disenchanted, especially after Bush was reelected, and I saw, in those "Shades of Purple" maps that circulated on yhr Web afterward, that my county was redder than almost any other spot on the east coast)

[jekesta]

::huge hugs and love::
Am thinking of you, and sending good vibes to your dad.
::more hugs::

[capriuni.livejournal.com]

*Snuggle*

Thanks!

[indefatigable42.livejournal.com]

Moving is probably a good thing. If you're closer to more people you know, you're probably more likely to have people who can help you out.

Do you own or are you renting the house you're in right now?

[capriuni.livejournal.com]

I own. This house was custom built to my personal specs, and I have a 30 year mortgage on it. If I'd been renting, I probably would have moved sooner. Yeah... even if I don't move closer to blood family (whom I hardly know), moving closer to "chosen" family would be great...

Because it's custom built, it will probably be harder (trans: nigh impossible) to sell on a general market, but if I find a shorter than average person in a wheelchair who needs a house, that would be great...

The house needs several repairs (I suspect extensive ant damage, and the floor in the master bath is a mess; I haven't gotten them done because I can't just move out while the work's being done, ya know?), but even so, with the incredible increase in home prices around here, I'm hoping to make a little profit -- or at least, recoup my original cost.

[daibhid-c.livejournal.com]

That's terrible. I'm not a praying sort, but I'm a hoping sort, and I'm definitely hopinh for you.

[capriuni.livejournal.com]

Thanks... knowing me (and I've known me for 42 years and counting), I'm probably letting my fears run away with me, again.

As mother often said: "Things work out... just not always the way you expect."

[rob-t-firefly.livejournal.com]

All my best and brightest wishes and vibes are with you and your dad.

[capriuni.livejournal.com]

huggle snuggle!

Thanks...

[barbarafett.livejournal.com]

My prayers are with you, too. I also want you to know that I'm participating in my area's Relay for Life. It's a really fun event we have every year to raise money for the American Cancer Society. If you go to my blog, there's more information in the newest entry.

moving

[(Anonymous)]

HeyaCapri-Uni,

katlaughing here from the Mudcat. While it is very sad to hear of the situation you are facing (with courage!) I wanted to hopefully bring you a small ray of sunshine. Night Owl has been visiting independent living, w/some assistance, centers for her 96 year old mother, near Boston. Every one of them allows pets!!! I hope this is the case for where you are. I can't see moving for relatives you barely know, but I DO understand not wanting to stay in an area which is full of fundies, etc.

Either way, you know I am giving thanks for your dad and you and seeing the perfect outworking of this problem, for the highest good of all concerned.

luvyakat

Re: moving

[capriuni.livejournal.com]

I've said this on Mudcat, but I'll say it here, too:

Thanks, Kat!

I'll certainly think seriously about what you said, regarding family. "Blood may be thicker than water,"* but sometimes, water is more nutritious...

*what does that mean, anyway? "Blood" represents family ties, but what's the "Water" represent?

Heck... Just about *anything* is thicker than water, except, maybe, air.

[trinalin.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Capri! Good luck with the relocation plans. And here's hoping the kitties get to come along.

[capriuni.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Trina! And I love your icon! :-)