Oh, Hell!

[capri0mni]

Finally got an update about my Dad from my Cousin:

This morning I called the hospital and asked for Linc and I spoke with him briefly. The cancer has spread to his brain, and that is why he can't speak. They are giving him radiation treatments. Therefore, he will be in the hospital for a while. He is so frustrated because he can't communicate, and as you know, he is a most articulate man. So, I kept guessing, and I got most of what he was saying.


I will call his doctor when I get the number and ask what the prognosis is, but I guess it doesn't look good.


[...]

He was feeling better before I went to New Mexico, and I was praying for a few more months. As long as he is not in pain, I guess we can be grateful for that.


Take care, and I will be in touch.

I'm afraid that Dad won't live until the next Art Garden, and I won't get a chance to see him alive again. And this is exactly what I was afraid of when I moved out on my own. And I hate being in Virginia, and having fewer close family members than fingers on one hand. And AAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!!

Comments

[uncacreamy.livejournal.com]

My god, I'm so sorry.

[capriuni.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[indefatigable42.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

What do you need in order to get back to him for the short term at least for a visit?

When you have more time to think about it, what do you need to get into a better situation for yourself in the longer term?

Don't catastrophise and automatically assume that it's impossible, just make a list.

[capriuni.livejournal.com]

Don't catastrophise and automatically assume that it's impossible, just make a list

Yeah. I know that, intellectually. It's just so hard not to panic when I see the same nightmare that happened with my mother playing out with my father (my mother died just a few days before I'd arranged to see her one last time [I was away at university]).

And that longer term happieness question has been plaguing me for a while, now, and it seems like such a big problem, I don't know where to start. And the idea of tackling it after Father's gone, and I have little or no family support to back me up during the transition is just ...

*Makes "The Scream" face*

AAAHHHGGHHH!!!

It feels like there's a tornado siren blaring, and even though there's an entry to the basement nearby, I can't get down the steep stairs to get into it, you know?

[indefatigable42.livejournal.com]

In the meantime, one thing you might want to do is arrange to call and talk to him, even if he can't talk to you.

As for the long-term stuff, remember that you have friends who will help even if family support doesn't come through.

[capriuni.livejournal.com]

In the meantime, one thing you might want to do is arrange to call and talk to him, even if he can't talk to you.

I've been thinking about that. The thing is, I can't decide whether such a call would be more stressful than soothing, at this point, with our respective levels of fear and frustration.

[indefatigable42.livejournal.com]

Is there anyone around him who you can talk to first, to find out whether he's in any shape for it?

You can also pre-write what you want to say to him, make sure it's something that you think will be soothing to both of you, and practice reading through it a couple of times. That might work better than calling on the fly when you're nervous. It's okay to be emotional on the phone if the words are the right ones.

[spooforbrains.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry for you. I don't think there's anything I can do from over here, but if there is, anything at all, let me know, OK?

[capriuni.livejournal.com]

Yes. Thank you.

[lizziebelle.livejournal.com]

Oh, dear. Is there a way you can get up there sooner? I'd hate for you to miss seeing him, like you did your mom. If I lived nearer and had the time off, I'd take you myself!

[capriuni.livejournal.com]

If I lived nearer...

That's it, exactly. That's one reason why I want to move out of Virginia: I have no connections anywhere near here.

[gordon-r-d.livejournal.com]

Gods, I wish there was something, anything I could do to help, can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling right now. *hugs*

[capriuni.livejournal.com]

can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling right now.

Even I am having trouble getting my head around it all, actually. Feeling rather detatched and floaty at the moment.

[brassfire.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Sorry to hear this...

[capriuni.livejournal.com]

*hugs back* thank you,

[alryssa.livejournal.com]

This is awful. I'll second Brenda's words up there - I wish there were something I could do. :(

*hugs*

[capriuni.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Me too.

[narm00.livejournal.com]

Sadly, I /can/ imagine something of what you're going through; I lost a family member to cancer. But not being able to be there for them... /gods/, the thought of that hurts.

It's times like this I wish the 'Net allowed us to share a physical presence, so we /could/ be there with you. None of us want to see you go through this alone, and we wish you weren't.

All we can do is be *here*, on the 'Net. Perhaps it's not enough, but it's /something/...

{{hugs}}

[capriuni.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Imran. Perhaps there is nothing that would truly be "enough" -- short of a miracle that gave us more time. But every little bit helps, and I do appreciate it.

Thank you.

[pedanther]

I wish there were something I could do.

*hug*