This wee possum needs a hug...

[capri0mni]

NaNoWriMo is odd for me, this year. On the one hand, it gives my brain something creative to think about so that it doesn't fall into an obsessive pit of TOTALLY USELESS worry* about my dad. And I can get several hours of mental rest and peace, that way.

On the other hand, for at least the last 15 years, whenever I've hit a snag of writer's block, I've talked it through with Dad, and it's always helped. But now, I'm writing away at my NaNo, and I get an urge to call him. Then I realize that not only can he not speak, he's stuck in a single bed room in a nursing home without a phone so I can't even call him to let him hear my voice, and so that I can hear his, even if his words are slurred or missing. ... And it is totally unfair of the universe. And I lose all will to write, and end up watching TV for the rest of the day.

(So far, I've written above the minimum of 1,667 words a day, but I have consistantly fallen below my daily goal of 2,000 words a day.)

And damn it. This sucks.

And yet. In many ways, I think finishing my NaNoWriMo novel is more important this year than it was last year. Because if I can do it, it will prove that I have internalized the strength to write (and therefore, to live), without drawing strength from either of my parents, any more.

But it still sucks.

*Really. Can anyone point to any time in their own lives, or in the history of the world, where worrying about anything did any good at all? So tell me, why did we evolve this obsessive habit of our brains in the first place?

Comments

[lizziebelle.livejournal.com]

*Really. Can anyone point to any time in their own lives, or in the history of the world, where worrying about anything did any good at all? So tell me, why did we evolve this obsessive habit of our brains in the first place?

I wish I knew, and I wish I could turn it off. I was up half the night last night with anxiety. Argh!

[capriuni.livejournal.com]

Awww. *Hugs*

[lizziebelle.livejournal.com]

Awww, thanks! It all seems better in the light of day, but at 3:00 a.m., everything seems so much worse.

[capriuni.livejournal.com]

Tell me about it! And just when you need sleep the most. Kitties help, too. I wish I could give you a real one...

[lizziebelle.livejournal.com]

I wish I could have a real kitty, too. For now, I have to make do with a stuffed one.

[indefatigable42.livejournal.com]

*hugs the wee possum carefully* I'm not sure how to do that; maybe cupping it in one hand and putting the other hand over top so that it's dark and warm and safe with a bit of physical contact.

Anyways. I suspect that as a survival mechanism, worry is supposed to help us focus on a potential problem long enough to solve it or keep it from happening. Maybe it's like pain, which directs us to take action that will prevent further injury to the body, except that it's directed at more external things. Worry can help us help others, or help us prevent injury to ourselves before it gets to the point where pain is imminent or present. It's a form of intellectual fear.

The downside is that, like pain, it can happen even in situations where there isn't anything that can be done to solve the situation. I guess worrying when there's nothing to be done is probably less of a survival risk than not being able to worry at all. But if it's possible to recognize when worry is not constructive, and convince yourself that it's okay not to worry, that's even better. (For myself, I have this little voice telling me that I'm a bad friend or not compassionate enough if I even think of not worrying, or of comforting myself instead of suffering along with everybody else.)

[capriuni.livejournal.com]

(For myself, I have this little voice telling me that I'm a bad friend or not compassionate enough if I even think of not worrying, or of comforting myself instead of suffering along with everybody else.)

Yeah. I hate that little voice (I think we all have one)

Or maybe worry is related to the flight of fight response, and is a side effect of when either of those options aren't available.

For myself, I find that worry actually distracts me from thinking clearly about a problem, rather than helping me focus on finding solutions.

It's very annoying.

(Maybe you could cradle the wee possum in your hand, and hold it up to your heart, so it can hear your heartbeat-- that's very snuggly, and she's got the ears for it)

[alryssa.livejournal.com]

Ann, sweetie? We just got cable phone, which means I can call anywhere in the US for free now. :D

Let me know if you'd like me to call sometime, and what times work best for you?

[capriuni.livejournal.com]

*snuggles*

I'll email you.

[jeanne-d-arc.livejournal.com]

Hello fellow "quakers" LJ community member- I just created another new LJ community, quaker_pagans (sorry, I don't know how to program it to go directly to the LJ community's page). This is for Quaker Pagans or those who are friendly and interested. It's specifically designed as a safe space. Please feel free to join!

jeanne_d_arc