Why the Internet is so much SNARKIER than real life -- a case in point:

[capri0mni]

So, on Wednesday, I decided I wanted to pick up some cough drops, to give my throat some relief after a week of coughing, and as I came up to the cough drop aisle, an older woman who looked like she was "Granny Darling from Central Casting" piped up with that high-pitched, sing-song tone typically used for three-year-olds and puppy dogs:

"Hi, Sweetie!!"

I actually looked around to see if there were a three-year-old coming up behind me. When I realized there wasn't, I turned back, and noticed she was looking straight at me.

Borrowing a line from Goodfellas I said: "You talking to me?"

She (still dripping honey) "Yes! I'm in your way, aren't I?" And stepped away from the cough drop shelf.

I (keeping my eyes on the products to choose from): "I'm not a 'Sweetie'"

She: "You're not?!"

At which point, my aide, who was pushing the shopping cart, informed her: "You know, you're being incredibly rude, right now."

Granny Darling then sputtered something incredulous and wandered off (I think; I stopped paying her any mind after that).

And here's why the Internet is such a snarky place: The Verbal Drippings of Ignoramuses will still be there three hours later when your brain finally gives you the perfect retort, while in real life the Granny Darlings of the world are long gone, complaining to their friends about how unfriendly young people are, these days.

This is the retort my brain handed to me, Wednesday night:

"I'm sorry, Madam. Forgive my confusion. Your tone of voice is thoroughly inappropriate for both your audience and the situation. I am not a toddler, and we did not meet for a social call."

But I can only play out that dialog in my head (and here in Cyberspace).

On the other hand, this may actually be a sign that things are getting better. Wouldn't have been too long ago, I'd expect this sort of encounter in public. But this time, it took me by surprise.

Comments

[jesse_the_k]

Yes! The insight is right on. (I knew someone who kept a rigid container of M&Ms. In this situation would have opened them, made them visible, and then said, "Nope, none for you!")

It is nice that the encounters themselves are getting a little rarer. To her (minuscule) credit, she was remarkable self-aware when she said, "I'm in your way."

[capri0mni]

Bwa-ha. That m&m tactic is brilliant -- evil, but brilliant.

As for Grandma-Darling-from-central-casting: I wonder, though, if her self-awareness was only flicked on when I failed to play her sweetness game.

[butterflydreaming]

Ack! I want to say, "Well, she's old" but this kind of thing isn't limited to her generation. You could get your delayed retort letterpress printed in beautiful script on fine paper cards, for future occasions.

BTW, I hope you are feeling better.

[capri0mni]

Yes. I am better, thank you (I chose not to go out into the world until I was fairly sure my immune system had won its battle against the invaders).

Your letterpress cards are a tempting idea. Do you mean to hand out, as business cards?

I wonder if I have the quickness of reflexes to hand such out with the necessary aplomb.

[butterflydreaming]

It would be great to have a silver platter to hand the card over on, like a butler bringing in a calling card. I suppose that's too theatrical. *grin*

[capri0mni]

Just a bit theatrical, yes. Also, hard to pull off in a spur-of-the-moment way appropriate for the grocery store aisle.

[bookgirlwa]

I know I'd be spasming so much I'd fling them everywhere... :-(

I was at the train station last year, waiting for a lift I'd just pressed the button for, when your Granny-Darling's Australian daughter leaned over me, pressed the button again and said, "There you are, sweetheart!!" I was too tired at the end of a long day to do anything else but seethe.

[capri0mni]

Hee!

On the other hand, flinging them everywhere might also be a useful tactic, especially if they're printed up to look, at first glance, like paper money. With people grabbing them out of the air, it might be a way to spread the message faster.